How are You?

Depressions are so hard to talk about, but it’s also so important.
There are so many different kinds of depressions, and everything is not a depression.
Sometimes we just feel very low.

This is a part of an article about feeling down and being depressed from a site called UMO* that I translated:

“If you feel down for weeks, and also lose your interest for things you use to like, sleep too little or too much, have troubles concentrating, lose appetite, eat more than usual or get easily annoyed, you might need help to feel better. That also applies if you for example lose self-confidence and become self-critical, withdraw from people, spend much time pondering, get problems in school or in work, or receive suicidal thoughts. Then it might have become a depression, and then help from someone professional is needed. To be in a depression is something more than to be temporarily sad and down.”

*UMO is a Swedish national web-based youth friendly clinic for young people aged 13 to 25 years.

I’m going to talk about feeling the need to run away.

Maybe some people would consider me the wrong person to talk about things like this. I’ve never been really suicidal, and the thoughts I’ve had when I’ve been the most down, I want to keep to myself, as I consider them private.

But no matter if it made it to a depression or if it just was a period of feeling very down, it’s very, very though to get through. I’ve been through this so many times, I’ve felt like I was a prisoner, felt like I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, I’ve felt like I didn’t belong, felt like I’ve been with people I don’t like because I had to, I’ve felt like the pressure from school is too high that I’ve believed that I’m not enough, I’ve felt like I’ve done things just because I had to, etc, etc…

The last time I felt this way I listened to this song every day.

When I listened to it, I felt like it was the only one who understood how I was feeling (and now I realize how crazy it sounds but yes. I didn’t feel like any person could feel like I did, but this song understood me.) and I felt like it was supporting me.

The last time I felt this way was last week.

I’ve lost count how many times I’ve felt this way.

And I know so, so many people who’ve felt the same way.

Still, I, and so, so many others feel like no one would understand.

“I’ll have to swallow” is the line I guess I relate the most to. Every day I went to school, I felt like I had to put on a smile, pretend everything was fine and that resulted in that I received that horrible feeling of not being myself. I thought, either I did that or I’d be questioned for why I was so down.

I “knew” I wouldn’t be able to go through that second option.

Not always, but very often when I feel down, this happens. I don’t want to show people how I am feeling because I feel that I shouldn’t feel down. There’s something in me, telling me I shouldn’t complain just because I feel stressed. Or just because I feel lonely. Or just because I feel like I am not really living my life.

What.

Everyone, every single person, feels down times to times.

I am not alone with it.

You are not alone with it.

They are not alone with it.

And we all have the same right to feel down. I even think that we need to feel down sometimes. To quote Patrick Wolf: “if it’s never dark, well how you gonna know the sun, when it shines?”

It’s hard though.
When you are in that dark tunnel it’s hard to believe there is a light at the end of it. Many times, you know it’s there, but you just feel like it’s impossible to reach it.

I often feel like the solution is to run away.

Not always in precise meaning, mostly it’s about locking myself in inside me. Isolating the world with music and just thinking and thinking and thinking. If people would ask me how I was feeling, I would probably just tell them I’m fine.

Sometimes the need to escape really gets so strong I want to run away. I never know where, just that I need to get out of where I am.

I’m not always sure of what I am escaping from either. Sometimes I am sure: I need to get of out where I am because the world we live in is too stressful to me. Sometimes I feel like I am a burden to other people that, if I’d run away, I’d do them a favour.

Listening to music like the song “Headache” won’t really help you. It helps you feel less lonely, but after some time, songs like this will only “support” your dark side. Doesn’t matter how good the song is, if it makes you feel stronger about feeling down, you shouldn’t continue listen to the song when you want to get out.

What I mean is, don’t listen to a song where someone sings “I’m not enough” when you are trying to get away from thinking that way.

Cry a river, build a bridge and get over it.

I think we all have our own ways of getting out of depressions, our own ways of finding Our Light again.
With Our Light, I mean our own Hope.

I believe hope is always inside us, that we just need to take care of it for it to bloom.

Let out your feelings.

I don’t think it’s healthy to keep your feelings inside.
Cry if you need to cry.

I think people who show their feelings are brave. Don’t You?

We all have different ways of getting better.

Some tell you to work out, to run, to move your body.

Why not dance out the darkness?

Some tell you to eat right, sleep right and I remember Kerli has said you should drink a lot of water.

Spend time in your favourite place, spend time outdoors, spend time with people you love.
Listen to music.

The most important thing to do, is to believe that better days will come.

That you can get out.

That you will get out.

Because You will.

It’s always darkest before the dawn ~

http://themoonchildchronicles.tumblr.com/post/9885761379/moonchild-lesson-2

Here is a link to The Moonchild Chronicles’ post about “Dealing with loneliness, depression, etc.” which I think is a very well written text by Moonchild Lilly. The Moonchild Chronicles are Moonchild lessons about what a Moonchild is and how they should act. You can also send in questions that Lilly will answer:)

Let’s collect hope!

I almost always force myself to listen to hopeful music when I feel down. Sometimes it makes you realize things that you are too blind to see when you’re in the darkness.

So I’ve had this idea for a while now, to make a playlist on Spotify with YOU filled with music that brings YOU hope. I’ve made a collaborative playlist so that anyone can add their songs, all you need is a Spotify account:)

First note:
WHAT IS SPOTIFY?
“Millions of tracks, any time you like. Just search for it in Spotify, then play it. Just help yourself to whatever you want, whenever you want it.”

- http://www.spotify.com/se/about/what/

It’s free to get a Spotify account (READ SECOND NOTE!). You create an account and download and install. It’s really easy and don’t worry – it’s safe:)

Second note:
Spotify can’t be used in all countries. Here are the available countries:

“Spotify is available for free in Sweden, Norway, Finland, the UK, the US (invitation-only beta from July 2011), France, Spain and The Netherlands. Users in Austria, Belgium, Estonia, Germany, Greece, Italy, Poland, Portugal, Romania and Switzerland can use Spotify, but only under the Premium service.”

- http://www.spotify-forum.com/what_is_spotify.php

Spotify also says they hope to become available in many more countries. I hope so too!!

Premium service = paying service. Actually, it’s not too expensive if you really want Spotify.

SO

Here is the link to the playlist:

spotify:user:aznanda:playlist:10EVvMnHuyuk3pLSJXyags

All you do, (after you’ve created an account) is to press the subscribe button under the name of the playlist. Then it will be added in a list to your left and you can search for songs and drag them to the playlist.

Any questions? Either post them as a comment here, or e-mail becomemoonchild@hotmail.com !

LOVE&LIGHT
Yeti